The Road to Ambiguity
by obsessedwithobsessions
Summary: Tao Jun could always trust Li Pailong, her guardian spirit with her life. Yet a recent spate of nightmares and her past disrupts her thoughts and trust. With her feelings towards Pailong wavering, she descends into darkness and asks for a separation.
1. Alone In My Nightmare

**The Road to Ambiguity**

by distortedtruths

This takes place around after Episode 7, after the whole series.

* * *

**Alone In My Nightmare**

The moon cast shadows over town, encasing it in darkness. The air of silence was largely peaceful, a far cry from the buzzing crowds in the day.

A towering building stood on the side of town, seemingly dead of activity. One who passed it would almost shiver from the coldness and lack of life emitting from it. The same could be said about its inhabitants.

A dark figure slinked across, padded feet barely making an audible sound. It's soft paws quietly silently ravaged the uncovered garbage can for food.

From the building, a terrified scream sliced through the fragile still air. The startled figure streaked across the street, giving a yowl of surprise.

* * *

Tao Jun bolted awake, panting slightly as small beads of perspiration slid from her forehead. She winced, realising her head hurt and her hands were shaking.

"Miss Jun! What happened!" A familiar tall figure appeared at the doorway. He sounded really concerned, as though afraid something untoward had happened to his mistress.

"Onee-san! Wha-what is going on?" The second shadow by the doorway spoke up. Despite his cold and tough exterior, the concern for his sister was clear.

She shook her green locks and forced a smile, trying to convince both that everything was fine. Or was she trying to convince herself?

"I just had a bad dream, that's all. I am fine. You can go now."

Ren shot a glare at Pailong, almost as if it was HE who caused his sister to be like this. He particularly did not like the idea of having Jun around an uncontrolled zombie. With his guardian spirit, Bason, the boy turned and headed back to his own room. He didn't like it, the past few days saw his sister listless and jumpy, almost as if...she was on the brink of a breakdown.

"Yes, Jun-san.", casting a worried glance over before making his way back to his 'bed', hesitantly. Pailong had no idea what was plaguing his mistress so. The past few days had left her awake in the middle of the night. He had heard, the undead need no sleep and his martial arts training taught him to be extremely observant. Yet he knew not the cause, nor the problem. He could only hope that whatever was bothering her would pass soon.

Jun drew herself in a tight bundle, hugging her knees, a broken sob escaping. She had no idea why the dreams were coming more frequent, each one worse that the previous. They left her tired and withdrawn, terrified of sleeping, knowing that the nightmares would eventually surface.

"Pailong..."

"You destroyed my life. You took away everything from me. My wife, my daughter, my friends, EVERYTHING! You are the cause."

"...I am really sorry! I really am...please don't be like this!"

"The moment of your birth was the moment of my death. I hate you."

"I...I thought you forgave me...?"

"I thought I did. But I never could. And I never will. Tao Jun, you will pay for destroying me!"

"NOOOO!"

The images accompanying the exchange were horrifying. Jun knew Pailong would never do that...or would he? But the scenes kept replaying over and over in her mind, bringing on a fresh wave of tears.

She knew she should not be doubting him, but he had tried to kill her in their first fight with Asakura Yoh. It WAS her fault, but she could not help it, even though Jun had never told anyone or discussed the matter again, a part of her still trembled at the memory of that moment.

Her lips twisted into a bitter smile. Ren would look upon her with disgust, and so would everyone else. Her weakness, her vulnerable state. Even she hated herself. Despised herself for doubting Pailong, her loyal friend. Despised herself for distancing away from him.

Maybe the Li Pailong from her dream was right. Maybe she should not have even been born. Her very existance had brought pain to people. To Pailong, to his family, to his work, to his fans. To herself.

Unable to sleep, Tao Jun reached over her bedside table for the small obscure bottle that had become her comfort the recent days. Taking two white round tablets, she gulped them down, waiting for the drowsiness to overtake her, to carry her into a dreamless sleep. Closing her eyes, letting the darkness envelope her.

* * *

Li Pailong lay in his coffin, eyes open, listening to the barely noticeable sounds of Tao Jun's sobs. If he had a beating heart, it would probably be wrenching in pain, pain for Jun-san. He could not understand her suffering, yet he wished he did. Or perhaps he could offer comfort. But he could sense she needed to be alone, to sort out her thoughts. 

He let his mind wander to the day Asakura Yoh, along with his ghost spirit Amidamaru had freed him from Jun's talisman control. Realising what had happened to him, Pailong had nearly lost control and become an evil spirit. He had even attacked Jun, even planning to kill her in the process. Thinking of it only brought horror at how close he had come to destroying her.

There were times he felt bitter about it, about how Tao Jun, the princess of the Tao family had gotten him at a gift, a pet, a toy. She had everything, even his life. Sometimes, he would even allow his thoughts to wander if...she had never existed, perhaps he would be a loving husband, a proud father, perhaps even a grandfather, a great martial arts legend.

Immediately he would feel ashamed and horrified of himself. Jun had become his life, it was his duty to protect her. He had sworn to keep her from harm, from hurt. He was willing to be her guardian spirit, to stay by her side. Pailong thought about Yoh and his guardian ghost; Yoh had called Amidamaru his _friend_. A tiny part of him wondered if Jun had thought of him as a friend. Perhaps not.

The handsome zombie forced his eyes close, hoping that perhaps tomorrow would be a better day of all of them.

* * *

Update 23rd September: 

Argh. I just revised this chapter, can't believe there were quite many grammar mistakes, spelling errors, weird sentence structures, etc.  
Ewwww just disgusting.  
Sorry about that!  
I made some amendments, hopefully it flows more smoothly now.


	2. Careless Whispers

**The Road To Ambiguity  
by the grin obsession**

(: I absolutely love old love songs, listen to Careless Whispers by George Michael, I was inspired to write this chapter while listening to the song.

Anyway, sorry for the looooooong wait, presenting chapter 2.

* * *

_I'm never gonna dance again  
guilty feet have got no rhythm  
**though it's easy to pretend  
I know you're not a fool**_

_Should've known better than to cheat a friend  
and waste this chance that I've been given  
so I'm never gonna dance again  
the way I danced with you _

Never without your love

Tonight the music seems so loud  
I wish that we could lose this crowd  
Maybe it's better this way  
**We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say**

_–Careless Whispers, George Michael_

**Careless Whispers**

The night did not pass well for any of them, especially in the case for Tao Jun.

Ren and Pailong knew there was something wrong, yet they could not understand. She never said anything; just preferring to stay huddled amongst blankets, her eyes containing a haunted look, a shadow of that calm, sophisticated girl.

They yearned more than anything to know what was wrong, but Jun never uttered a word, just shaking her head, claiming that everything was all right. They would have protested, but that look in her eyes, a silent pleading not to ask, not to pry.

Tao Jun knew she could not avoid her kyonshi forever, she would have to confront her fears sooner or later. Right now, she chose the latter.

She drew her knees closer, trying to erase all dark thoughts from her mind, not knowing that it made her look every bit more fragile to the two worried pairs of eyes silently watching her.

* * *

Today would be Ren's training day with Yoh and the others. He had initially intended to skip this training, to look over his sister, but he knew Anna would probably chew his head off, and also with Pailong's assurance that he would alert him if anything cropped up. With a reluctant heart, Ren walked off, his loyal Bason at his side. Anyway, their training ground was just next to their apartment. 

Understandably, Yoh and the rest was concerned about Jun as well, even though they did not know her well, much less conversed with her, they still cared, as one would care for family of a friend. The thought warmed Ren's heart, though he took care not to show it.

The Shaman fight was long over, Ren had accepted them all – Yoh, Horo-horo, Ryu, Faust VII, and the rest- as his friends, not that he would ever admit it.

Anna, on the other hand, gave a look of nonchalance and disappeared elsewhere, but then again Ren could never make out what she was thinking. He shrugged and continued his training.

* * *

"Get up. Enough wallowing in your misery." 

Jun snapped up in surprise, and saw Anna standing before her, crossing her arms in an intimidating stance.

"I said, get up. You are going to pull yourself together whether you like it or not." She repeated.

"…" The once confident Tao Jun hung her head in reply.

"Why are you acting like this? Spare a thought for those out there, who actually care for you, spare a thought for yourself, stop destroying yourself!" Anna shouted in a rare outburst, startling Jun.

"…What would you do if you can no longer trust your feelings, trust your own loved one?"

"I-," the blond-haired girl tried to answer when she was cut off.

"I struggled with these feelings of doubt, I cannot trust myself, knowing that I hurt someone so deeply, nothing that I do can undo the damage." At this Jun broke down completely, crying as if her whole heart had broken, crying as she had never cried before.

"I would stop pretending that I was fine, I would talk it out with him. Most of all, I would trust him whole-heartedly, because I know he cares for me as well. You should do the same, because he is your guardian spirit, your kyonshi."

Jun stared in surprise at the usually stoic girl's passionate response. She never knew Anna would bother with her, they barely spoke a word to each other. Eyes stinging, she blinked them furiously away, now embarrassed that she had shown her vulnerable side to someone she did not know well.

She knew Anna was right, she could not run away forever. Pailong had chosen out of his own free will to stay by her side, even after he was free. He had trusted her, trusted her not to take him under her control again. Yet here she was, unable to trust him.

If anything, it should be Pailong who should not put his trust in her, she had destroyed his life with her birth, and he had not done anything to her. A sense of disgust filled her.

"Thank you, Anna. I understand. I will try, but I don't know how long I will take to trust Pailong again." She forced a smile on her face, a weak smile that was every bit watery as her eyes.

"…I don't know how long I will take to trust Pailong again." she whispered.

Unbeknownst to Tao Jun, a certain kyonshi had just returned from his trip outside, under Anna's orders. Walking past Jun's half-opened door, he stopped short when he heard the last few words.

An unmistakable hurt filled his entire being, what had he done wrong? Miss Jun did not want him as her kyonshi anymore? Bewilderment was evident on his face, he did not understand.

Did she hate him? Did he upset her? He knew not the answers.

All that he knew was that dull ache in his chest, unconsciously he rubbed at it, frowned slightly, that it was ironic that the pain was right where his dead heart should be.

Confusion, bewilderment, and anger blinded his sight, causing Pailong to stumble out of the apartment; he needed to get out of there, to sort out his thoughts. So caught up in his feelings, that he barely acknowledged the boy coming in.

* * *

Ren almost had the breath knocked out of him by the stumbling figure as he entered. Cursing at clumsy zombies, he made his way to the kitchen for a refreshing drink. The trainings helped a lot; he could feel the adrenaline and power coursing through his veins. 

Ambling to his sister's room, he heard another female voice. Almost afraid there was an intruder, he peeked in, eyes almost bulging at the sight of Anna comforting his sister.

What was wrong? He almost wanted to scream, but he had the sensitivity not to pry and upset his sister in the process. It spooked him that the fiercely scary girl would be the one hugging Jun, comforting her. He shuddered, was there anything on between the two of them? He blanched, immediately shaking the horrifying thoughts out of his mind.

Hearing footsteps nearing the door, he quickly streaked to the couch, pretending as if he had seen and heard nothing. After a while Anna walked out of the room, fixing Ren a glare that sent chills up and down in spine. He fought to conceal his fright, giving a glare of his own.

"You will never speak of this to anyone." The warm room turned considerably colder, was the heater spoilt?

Ren shuddered inwardly; he could almost hear the silent "_or else"_ out loud, even though Anna had not said anything. Nodding numbly, he faintly heard the front door click shut, before strolling to Jun's room, acting as if he had just came home, all the while trying to gather his frazzled nerves.

"Nee-san? Everything fine?" He ventured tentatively.

"Yes, everything is in order. How was training?" The girl smiled, a real genuine smile, even though it displayed a hint of utter sadness underneath.

Relief spread through his entire being; at least his neesan was much better now. Although it was evident she was still shaken by something unknown to him, it was much more gratifying compared to how she was the past few weeks.

Ren probably would never know what went on in the conversations between Jun and Anna, he would probably never uncover what was bothering his sister so, but for now, he was just glad she looked much, much better now.

* * *

Anna shook her head, thoughts on the miserable girl, that sister of a certain idiotic arrogant boy. It surprised her she would actually feel concern for someone totally unrelated to her, but for some strange reason it did. Perhaps Yoh had rubbed off some of his unselfish attitude on her. 

She felt only pity for the girl. Never again will she show such weakness. To show concern for others was just not something that Anna would do. Never again. She just hoped Tao Jun would overcome this psychological barrier, and make things right with Pailong, she knew he was outside the room, she knew he heard what Jun had said, and sensed that he was deeply hurt.

Giving a laugh of disdain, she walked back home, _hopefully_ for Yoh and the rest, there would be food ready when she returned, all that drama was taxing on the stomach, as well as the temper.

* * *

I do hope Anna wasn't too out of character, I just wanted to portray a slightly softer side of her, to show that she isn't all that cold. I did try to add in some typical-Anna responses.

Sailordeelit: AHAHA. My first reviewer. Well, I did update, but not very soon, more like months later. Sorry about that! (:

Morningstripe: Hope you will enjoy this chapter, if you haven't actually gone mouldy waiting so long. My sincere apologies, it was extremely bad behaviour on my part. Sorry!

Setsumi-san: Ahhhhhh I love your Pyron/Jun stories! Hope the portrayal of Anna wasn't too out of character. Hopefully you will like this chapter as well.

fetish4green: Wow. Amazing potential? Thank you! You make my head swell HAHAHAHA. Anyway thanks for your review, it makes me happy (:

Thanks to all these reviewers, you made my day. And to all those that read the first chapter as well.

Ahhhh there, Chapter 2 done. Hopefully you will like it. Please inform me of any errors you might come across, I will try to fix it.

This will probably follow another looooong hiatus, until the end of exams. Wish me luck?


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